woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
