Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
