I faked an abortion last night.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
