I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
