worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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