I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
