How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
