dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
