Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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