he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
