Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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