I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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