I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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