One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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