Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
