I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
