How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
