I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
