3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
