i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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