Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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