Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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