Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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