I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
