so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
