I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Drunk is not a location!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
