we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
