Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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