She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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