I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
