he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
