Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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