just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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