Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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