I've blown a few things in my day
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
