Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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