....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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