Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
