I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
