I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
