I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize