We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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