I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
