Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
