2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
