I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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