It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Of course I have a pirate flag
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
