do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
