first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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