My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just google imaged poop.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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