i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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