now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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