hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
