that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize