Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
