he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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