All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
