you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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