i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
