Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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