The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize