Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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