my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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