How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
