I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
