whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
