Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
