I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
