Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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