Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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