My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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