i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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