if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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