my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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