He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Still dying that you shit outside
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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